Migraines. I am sure everyone has heard the term, even if they are not migraine sufferers. I bet there are many who haven’t been diagnosed, I was only diagnosed 10 years ago while in the throes of the worst headache I have ever had. I literally sat in my car crying because I didn’t know how to drive home. A migraine is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. Ever.

What does a migraine feel like? It is different for everyone. Some people see auras, some do not. Some people get violently ill, others do not. Many people hide it. I can, if I can avoid the worst of it I can continue to function relatively normally. But if you look close, and see my right eye a little droopy, that is my telltale sign. I may smile, but inside I want to die.

For me it starts with an aura. It tends to match the beat of my heart, and is like flashbulbs or fireworks. A flash to the right, and to the left, everywhere. No pain yet, just flashes. I have been woken in the night by these flashes, and I listen for the thunder; only to realize with dread, that it is a migraine. So I rush to my drug cocktail, hoping to curtail the next phase before it hits.

And it does. It starts slow, like a freight train off in the distance and comes roaring to life behind my eyes, while the flashes continue merrily. This is the start of pain, like being crushed by a giant fist I feel pressure building slowly and I feel as though I might burst.

If the drugs haven’t kicked in yet, they won’t and the worst is coming. By now I feel like my brain is being squeezed into my throat and I cannot breathe. But I can, now it is psychological. My common sense is cowering in a small corner of my brain and the rest of me is starting the think the worst. Which triggers the panic attack, and I feel like crying.  But I don’t, I still have to grab my daughter from school and make dinner. If I survive till my husband gets home, I will find comfort in a cold dark room, with an ice pack on my head, praying for the pain to ease enough I can sleep.

When I wake up, I feel better. Like the pain of childbirth, I almost forget how bad it got. Hopefully I will not be reminded of this for at least a month.